July 25th, really?

My last post was in July of last year!

I still exist.  I really really do! 

I haven’t been running.

I haven’t been cooking anything amazing.

I’ve been terribly swamped with school.

I got a job.

I quite the job because of business (and other reasons).

I help out with music at a Presbyterian church now on Sundays.

I go to my Messianic Synagogue on Saturdays.  Just became a member, actually!

I was feeling the return of all of my IBS symptoms because “my bucket was full” as Dr. Walsh would say (he’s an awesome allergist who wrote Food Allergies).  Little amounts of things don’t fill my bucket, but eating foods that bother me over and over again are like tossing trash into a garbage can.  Eventually, it overflows.  If I wait long periods of time between eating things my body doesn’t like, I’m fine.  I can eat out if I am really good for a couple of weeks. 

I went to Thailand and when I came back, I just ate whatever I wanted for a month.  I haven’t been exercising, either.  Yesterday, I got back on Stage One of Brostoff’s reduction diet.  I have been detoxing like crazy.  :(  I have had a migraine off and on for two days now.  I had mild stomach pain last night, and today I just feel SO moody, lethargic, and tired.  I ended up crying at school and leaving early because I just couldn’t take it anymore. 

Peace will come soon to this body of mine but I keep forgetting how I feel when I eat crap!  This is a slap to my little wrist.  Little Lady, you MUST stop eating food that’s not healthy for you!! 

I am also continuing to pray for heeling.  God is so faithful, and I believe that He can heal me.  :)  I also know that taking care of my body is really important, too, so I am praying that He will give me strength to take care of myself in the way that I need to.

God’s Fate is Good.

Staying with friends who have a really strong marriage has made me realize yet again that true men of God do exist.  They are diamonds in the rough who are not self-seeking, and they are certainly not out and about flaunting their masculinity.  They have better things to do with their lives.  

I want to get married, but more importantly, I want to honor my Lord with everything that I am.  I might not be married yet because God wanted to bring me here to show me another glimpse of His plan for my life.  I am praying every day for this man that I hope to marry.  Wherever he is and whoever he is; I just pray that God will bless him, keep him safe, and build him in to a man of integrity and valor.  

I’m rambling hippie.

Shall I share my morning?  I woke up to the birds chirping outside my window.  I didn’t want to get up.  I laid in bed until the audacious hour of 8:00 AM.  I fixed myself a Yerba Mate with some almond milk in it.  It was tasty and picked me up for the day.  I watched a bit of the morning news and especially enjoyed the cooking segment: pasta sauce you don’t have to cook?  Mmm!  I’ll have to try it (grape tomatos, fresh basil, parmesan, and fully cooked pasta). 

I made oatmeal with honey, my superwoman breakfast.  I chatted on the phone with my grandmother.  I took a shower and used Dr. Bronner’s, washed my hair with baking soda and vinegar, and got dressed in thrift store shorts, a hand-me-down t-shrit and of course, Birkenstocks.  I braided my hair.  Then, I decided that I needed to go to the grocery store.

Mary Lou sits in the driveway currently waiting to be taken to her beautician (J &K Mechanics) so driving to the store myself was not an option.  I instead had  my roommate drive me to Kroger.  I brought along my trusty 8 year old Jansport backpack that has been all over North America.  I bought salad, avacados, oregano, and…. Bread.  Store. Bought. Bread.  Can you believe it?  Kroger has Stone Ground Whole Grain bread.  I am extra super duper excited about trying it out for lunch which shall be an open faced toasted sandwich with avacado, onions, and salt and pepper. 

After the grocery store, I proceeded to walk home.  Do you realize just how many things a person misses because they’re so busy zooming by in their 4x4 Dodge Gas sucker?  I saw a field that I never noticed.  I read the price tag on a vehicle.  I enjoyed the deer targets in someone’s yard more up close and personal than ever, I came across someone’s discarded t-shirt, you get the drift.  You probably also can ascertain that this town is, well, a bit redneck. 

Walking is so much more fun!  Besides, you don’t have to worry about hitting anyone.  While walking, I realized just how much of a hippie I am (minus ”oregano” in the brownies).  With my vintage clothes, beat up book bag, and sack of vegetables, I smiled.  Life is good.  I challenge you, my millions of readers, to please do me the favor of discarding your keys once in a while and using your God-given legs. 

Have you been contributing to the noise?

For most of my life, picking up the Bible and studying it’s pages in depth has been quite easy for me to do.  I greatly enjoy studying, highlighting, researching, and questioning those archaic words on the page.  Lectio Devina is something that I have always done without even knowing it had a name.

This life of devotion and study needed to be hushed for a season, because I realized something.  I read the Scriptures, I know what they say, but have I been sitting at my Lord’s feet lately, or have I just been contributing to the noise?  Do I take time to ask God what He means instead of deciding on my own?

I’ve been taking long walks sans iPod lately.  I drive at least two hours on Sundays and two hours on Wednesdays.  I leave the radio off and I listen.  I’ve prodded, cried out, and sang to God like I haven’t done in months.  I have felt cascades of His love pour down on my lonely soul.   

Not only have I been finding my voice, but God has been answering my prayers.  Who would have imagined that if I would just quiet myself enough to listen, that He would actually show up and speak?  Epiphanies are so amazing.  I have always known that if I just looked for God and searched for Him in the silence that I would find Him, and yet every single time I revisit something that I have learned, I feel like a child who just discovered chocolate cake for the first time.

I need to continue to purposefully do this when I am back at school.  Of course, I also need to get back into more habitual studying again, but I hope to find a balance between these two.  I want to be a sensitive scholar of Scripture.  Anyone want to join my new club: The Sensitive Scholars of Scripture Society or SSSS?  Quadruple S?   

Shhhh.  Listen.  Is He speaking to You? 

My mom taught me to drive.

If you haven’t taken driver’s ed, you may not know that there are three documents that you must have in your vehicle at all times:

1. Auto insurance- Not the same thing as your registration

2. Proof of registration- Given to you yearly when you get that little sticker to put on your license plate.  DON’T THROW IT AWAY (of course I’m not speaking from personal experience…)

3. Driver’s license- No brainer 

I blame my mommy for not teaching me.  Oh, deep childhood scars.  She also gave me the amazing spatial perception to parallel park so I ain’t complain’in.  I loveth her.

Ok, done being a drama queen.

Speak My Mind

Some people say that they love the quality of a person who speaks her mind.  I am certainly one such person and let me tell you, it is both a curse and a blessing.  Over the years, I have made some unforgivable social blunders that have left me friendless and wondering what I’d done wrong.  I blurt out what I think all the time.  This can very easily turn into gossip without me even realizing it.  I give unwanted opinions, advice, and “help” that no one asked for.  I tell story upon story upon story that has no relevance to the existence of life.  My many embellishments have certainly gotten me into trouble.  I am sure that on many occasion, I’ve had friends thinking can she please shut up already? 

I am passionate about many things: from my food habits to which version of the Bible I prefer.  If you ask my opinion on something and it has been formed, I do not easily bend.  It is dangerous when I present my opinions as facts.  Contrary to how I might be perceived, other people’s opinions and thoughts do, in fact, greatly matter to me.  I do care about what other people think and feel.  I do care about their feelings and beliefs.  My greatest carnal fear is not being liked by others.

When is it going to stop?  I even find myself speaking my mind when I have the option of deleting.  In the past few years, I have sent out so many unfortunate things into cyberspace that, like my spoken words, can never be retrieved.  I have needlessly corrected people’s grammar (when my own is far from perfect), posted political videos that I neither understood nor fully watched, and have complemented a friend in such a way that it somehow got twisted and turned into something completely different than what I meant.  Oh, I wish I could write an apology for every single offense, but there are far too many for me to recount.  Friendships have been severed and tears sting my eyes because I am so remorseful. 

I bought horizontal stripes the other day and loved it.  To those of you who know me, my former vehemence and opposition for them has somehow been erased.  I am the proud owner of a hip tank top with grey and cream horizontal stripes.  Tank top.  Yes, me.  The one who detested tank tops for their immodesty.  I purchased two.  The other is a pretty sea blue.  Change takes time.

If I’ve offended you and you’re reading this, know that I am sorry.  Please know that I really do care.  I have a lot to learn.

My savior loves me just the way I am.  I am so thankful that when I confess my sins, He is faithful and just to forgive me.  That is all that really matters.  He forgives this opinionated chatterbox.  I pray that He will use me to speak His truth in love, in tranquility, and with tact.  I also pray that I will not waiver in my faith in His gospel.  I can be stubborn about one thing: He is all that we need.  He is all that we’ve ever wanted, hoped for, and dreamed of and if we chose Him, we chose life and life more abundantly.

 Anne Shirley and I would have been bossom buddies. 

Runners: Speed or Endurance?

I wog.  Wogging is a term that I have coined for my extreme slow jogging pace.  I have had trouble in the past with asthma-like breathing issues so I try to be careful.  Sadly, I can only sprint for about 30 seconds.  I can run at about 5 mph for about 5-10 minutes, but I can jog at 4 mph for 30-45 minutes.  Soooo sloooooooow.  I’m not discouraged,  though because I’m pretty tiny so my stride is super short. I don’t think I will ever be able to run really fast, but I want to stay in shape and reap the benefits of cardio. 

Now that I’m going for a good 2.5 miles (jogging 2, walking .5), should I concentrate on building up my speed or should I just keep trekking along with my 15 minute miles and extend the amount of time that I spend running?  Right now I go for a total of 40 minutes including walking.  What would be the healthy thing to do?  Stay at 40 minutes and increase my speed or go for say 50-60 minutes at a nice pleasant jog?       

So to recap, my current routine is:

• Walk 5 minutes (or .25 miles)
• Jog 30 minutes (or 2 miles)
• Walk 5 minutes (or .25 miles)

What should I do to take it to the next level?  Here’s to healthy hearts!

My Savior, My Everything

I’ve always had this desire to achieve something big.  To do something wild and crazy with my life.  To be amiable.  To be cherished as a friend.  To be a good writer, cook, artist, singer, pianist, guitarist, confidant.  I fall so short of my desires and expectations.  I want to travel the world and see how other people live.  I want to be Maria Taylor and Gladys Alward and transform into a woman of another culture and do great big things for God.  I want to live for others rather than myself. 

But for now I am stuck.  Life.  Moves.  Slowly, so it seems.  I want things on my terms rather than trusting God’s.  I want to press FF, or skip for all of you who can’t remember VCRs, and look back on my accomplishments.  So far, this Summer of one week has been one week of sitting on my rear.  Well, not really but it seems like it.

Insecurity seems to rob me of my joy.  When I stare at my reflection in the mirror, I am fine with what I see.  But when I examine my heart, it hurts.  I am jealous.  Jealous of other people’s friends, lives, ambitions.  I covet missions trips that others get to go on, or the amount of Dear Bosom Friends that they have (Sorry, I was thinking of Anne).

Trusting in God, I find that I have an inner sense of peace, yes, but I often feel taunted.  Is there something bigger and better out there for me and I’m missing it?  Like Eve in the garden, Satan is always going to try to decieve me.  I need to kick him to the curb every single day.  I need to cling to my Jesus.  I need to stand up and fight for my life.

I need to remember my favorite Bible verse:  Whatever you do, do it heartily as unto the Lord.

What can I do for Him?  Let this Summer be one where I allow Jesus to become everything to me.  Those goals that I wrote at the beginning?  They are well intended, yes.  But they cause me to focus on my own works.  If My Savior can become My Everything, I think His plans will be better than any that I can think up.

Exercise Endorphins and Happiness

After a brilliant 2.8 of a mile jog/walk, I seem to be on a small euphoric cloud.  I walked another 2.8 miles again today.  Why did I forget how awesome exercising makes me feel?  I’ve been keeping up with my walks a couple of times a week but I don’t think I was getting quite the workout I needed.  The lack of hearty exercise probably contributed to my strange moodiness lately and I don’t like being a crab.  I feel like I’m back again.  Then again, it could be the amazing peanut butter cookies that I’ve been rationing…

Things I’m happy about of late:

• Peanut butter cookies
• Grooveshark worship music playlists
• Sleeping At Last
• Cookies with peanut butter
• Homemade bread
• A new haircut
• Being able to RUN
• Biscuits of the peanut butter variety

I’m scheduling myself another run for tomorrow.